Janet Dean
October 12, 1948 - October 12, 2007

I wanted to write this particular web page before starting on some of the other web pages because of it's recent significance.

Janet left home towards the end of the Ravenna Period, so my early memories of her are not that clear. As a child, I think that I always had a certain fondness for Janet and I think that most of the family shared that fondness. My father used to call her Pete which Janet always kind of liked. For whatever reason, Janet decided to move to Texas to be with my grandmother Ethyl Nading.

In 1970, towards the beginning of the first Mantua period, Janet was shot while someone was trying to rob a grocery store. She ended up paralyzed from the waist down due to the bullet severing the spinal cord. The family decided to travel to Texas to visit Janet. The only memories I have of this are that I challenged Janet to an arm wrestling contest. This was because she claimed to have strong arms in order to compenate for the fact that she no longer had the use of her legs. I also asked what a certain urine bottle was that was next to her and she and my mother said it was orange juice.

In my later discussions with Janet, she mentioned that she felt that this visit was done mostly as an obligation by the family since they only visited for two weeks. She also felt that my mother was kind of insensitive to her because my mother could only think of certain moral platitudes to say (for example, that she should think of those who are suffering worse than her). She said that she felt that she needed to grieve her loss at the time.

I also knew her briefly during the first Mantua period since she decided to come up to Ohio and stay for a few weeks. I don't remember much about this either except that I was in second grade and I "had an accident" (which means I peed my pants). The teacher had to call home to get someone to give me a ride home so I could change. However, Janet was the only person home. I remember the teacher questioning whether or not Janet could give me a ride home since she was handicapped. I told her it was okay and that Janet was capable of driving a car. Eventually, Janet brought me home.

I think it was sometime during the Delphos period that Janet sent me the complete books of Narnia

She also stayed temporarily with me during the second Mantua period. At this time I was practicing Buddhism. I didn't want to broach the subject directly to her, so instead I surreptitiously placed Buddhist images in my room where Janet would see them (Janet was going to sleep in my room while I slept on the living room couch). She never commented on this, but I believe she also surreptitiously left something for me in response.

After my grandmother died, Janet decided to move back to Ohio. I lived with her for about nine months during the Cleveland/Columbus period. At the time, I was a somewhat devout Catholic (although about to leave that faith). I felt a need to convert Janet, and other people, to the Catholic faith. That, and the fact that I was lazy about finding work put Janet off to the point that I eventually had to move into my brother's place in Columbus.

After this, my relationship with Janet has always been kind of estranged. I think that I always had a certain level of respect for her, even if I didn't show it outwardly.

The Death of Janet

During July 2007 I recieved news that Janet had fallen down and couldn't get up and that she was in this position for four days. On top of that, she fell down while cleaning some cat litter and part of her leg got infected. It was my brother Tom who found her. She was rushed to the hospital and had to have some surgery.

During August 2007, I visited Ohio after being in Korea for almost five years. I was kind of reluctant to visit Janet because of my estranged relationship with her. When I totalled the rental car and was staying with my parents, I went ahead and decided to visit Janet with my father. After seeing Janet, I thought she was doing okay. She was talking about getting a job tutoring math and English. We also discussed the family a little bit.

It seemed during this time that there was a strong reluctance on the part of Janet to see my mother. This is because the relationship between Janet and mother was always fairly negative. Although mother couldn't fathom why she wasn't allowed to be with Janet, part of it had to do with the nature of their relationship. Earlier I mentioned that Janet was disappointed with mother's visit in Texas after the gun accident because mother only offered moral platitudes. Perhaps Janet didn't want to experience a repeat performance of this.

Having said this, I don't think it's fair to think too negatively of mother. She handles interpersonal issues in a certain way, has done so for many decades, and she is not really capable of handling things differently. I think that we all have a kind of way of looking at things and it's very difficult for people in general to think of things in a different way.

Early in October, 2007 my mother called me to tell me that Janet had contracted pneumonia and was not doing well. Based on what she told me, I was reasonably certain that Janet was probably not going to live for very much longer. On Friday, October 12, my mother called to tell me that Janet had died and was going to be cremated and buried next to grandmother Ethyl Nading.

At the time, because of a general feeling of estrangement, I kind of felt the same as if someone were to tell me that Dr. Phil, or Bill Clinton had died. Important person, but not one that effected me directly.

Also, because I had already taken two weeks off of work because of a visa mix up, I couldn't justify taking time off of work to go to Janet's funeral. There was also the issue of traveling to Ohio which would be very time consuming and expensive.

However, in writing this, I can't help but feel some strong sense of grief. I have always thought that Janet was very personable and intelligent. I know there is a saying that you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but I don't think I am saying this merely because of that. I think even if she were still alive, I would still think that she was personable and intelligent even though I would probably still be very estranged from her.

Given the importance of this relatively recent event, I feel it's entirely appropriate to write this particular page, before writing most of the other pages.

You will find a very short and terse obituary of Janet at my brother's blog site as well as the Delphos Herald web site at the following addresses:
www.ahdean.com
Delphos Herald obituary

Today is my birthday, January 8, 2008